How did I get here?

I was once a very broken man. As it happens, that was because I was a scared and broken little boy, but we'll get back to that another time.  

In 2014 I had a breakdown, a good one. The doctor I went to see was seriously worried about letting me leave her surgery with my shoelaces. But after agreeing to attend therapy classes on the NHS she allowed me to leave without changing into Velcro trainers.  

I can't claim that learning CBT practices was pointless, or that it held no value to me because that isn't true. But much like everything the NHS do, it's designed to save your life. Don't get me wrong, that's a great start. But it's not enough to make a better life out of. I needed more than that. So, the search began.  

I've always been fascinated by religion, but I'm not religious myself. I find the idea that people still believe in a god or gods as if Mount Olympus is real quite comical. The only exception to that was Buddhism. Firstly, because it doesn't have a deity, the first Buddha (yes, there are more than one) was a prince called Siddhartha Gautama who became a wondering teacher. But also because if you look at the Buddha's teachings you'll realise that he'd have been the last person to have understood the concept of what has now become Buddhism, the dogmatic parts especially. The Buddha was a teacher, he was trying to guide people toward enlightenment, nothing more, nothing less. But to begin on that path, you had to know who was walking it. You had to understand who you were, understand your nature and not to spend time and effort struggling against it.  

I then started to read more deeply into CBT. Apparently it had been developed from a practice called REBT which had been invented by Albert Ellis. He in turn had based his ideas on Stoic teachings. Well, I've always been someone who thought it was a good idea to cut out the middleman. I began to read the Stoics. I started with Seneca. Then Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius. It all started to make sense.  

Not only were Stoicism and Buddhism extrememly successful and powerful teachings, they were also surprisingly compatible. Along with Taoism, the surprising link was that all of these philosophies were grounded in various concepts of the self.  

In his early days, the Buddha was fairly unsuccessful in his teachings. This was because he just told people the unvarnished truth about reality and they weren't ready for it. If you had told me this 10 years ago I would have wanted to hear it that way. What I didn't realise then, was that I was also unready to hear it.  

Luckily, using these philosophies, I found a path. I found my true nature. Or, as I've decided to call it (for many different reasons), the "Naiture Within". I stopped fighting who I was. I stopped hiding behind the mask that I'd created. For the first time in decades. I was myself.

Once I knew who I was. Once I understood what was important in life and what could be either accepted or ignored. I became stronger. The world became a different place. Perhaps an easier place.

The key is acceptance. Acceptance of self. Of every single part, both good and bad. Acceptance of control. Knowing what is in your power to change and what is not and being okay with both.

Here's the thing. Stoicism, Buddhism, Taoism, all of these philosophies are tools designed by men to change the way people think. To help them see the world in a different way. Don't get me wrong, they are amazing tools, powerful tools, but in the end they're only tools. They are not the answers in and of themselves. The important thing is that we know how to use them, how to structure them so they move us in the right direction.